Single on Thanksgiving ... a bunch of options

Single Parent Gossip has a great post: Surviving Thanksgiving Alone focusing on doing and having what you like for this holiday.

Divorce Salon has a couple more ideas, and they aren't just for those going through the big D ... All you singles out there, take a look.

Be an adopted “orphan”
On multiple occasions, other families have adopted me for their celebration, and they have been wonderful. You’re surrounded by people and experience new traditions (perhaps ones you choose to adopt in your “next” life). Being with other people can be so helpful and break you out of your all encompassing tunnel of divorce or new singledom. Being an adopted “orphan” is an amazing testament to you. Holidays are an extremely personal time, and your adopted family is showing you their love by welcoming you into their home and family for a holiday feast. Don’t view it as a pity invitation. You are divorced (or in the process), and you can be surrounded by people who care about you and love you. Isn’t that the most important thing?

Go to a restaurant (alone, with a pal or group)
I’ve gone out for many of my adult Thanksgiving meals. No prep, no cleanup, and the option of being a renegade (choosing beef or fish). But djv, what about the leftovers? Don’t deny yourself. Get a cooked turkey breast and whatever else you like. Pumpkin pie isn’t my fave, so bring on the ice cream and hot fudge.

One year I was celebrating Thanksgiving with a friend. My pal claimed to be a good cook, but somehow thought defrosting the turkey in a sink of warm water for 2 days was a good idea. One whiff of the bird, and we needed a plan B. We found camaraderie at the counter of a local deli/diner. “Happy Thanksgiving” greetings to the 70+ year old patrons on either side, and the conversation started to flow. Oh the stories and what a history lesson.

Pot luck with friends
The definition of “family” is expanding. My family lives all over the country which makes seeing them regularly a challenge. I see my doorman more often than my blood relatives, and many friends are more like family. So have a “The Big Chill” Thanksgiving. Some college pals used to host a pre-Thanksgiving Thanksgiving, and we joked about how it trumped the actual day.

If you are celebrating with your family, adopt an “orphan”
“Orphans” can be anyone without plans for the holiday (either by circumstances or choice). After spending days/hours together, you and your family will embrace having someone new in the mix. Trust me. It changes the dynamic, and the attention shifts. For my first Thanksgiving separated from my now ex, a gal pal celebrated with my family. I was anxious about all of the questions my family would inevitably ask about how I was doing. Her presence successfully deflected all of the attention from me, my separated life and impending divorce. The conversation focused on current events, interesting anecdotes and our “orphan”. What a relief for me, and she had a great time.

Holidays can be hard. Hard for all of us actually, regardless of our relationship status. Please remember …. Thanksgiving is only 24 hours. Thanksgiving is just another day, like any other Thursday. There are millions of people in the world who don’t celebrate the fourth Thursday in November.

Make it special for yourself.

djv

Married to him/her again? Divorce "FlashBackward"

On Saturday it happened in California. One more step to ban divorce with a march in Sacramento.

How can you not laugh? The state with “irreconcilable differences” as a legal reason for divorce hosts a demonstration to ban divorce. How two faced. California enacted America’s first no-fault divorce law, and in order to be the first again, a ballot is in the works to make divorce illegal. Protecting marriage? More like a covert action by the pharmaceutical companies to increase sales of Valium, Xanax etc ….

As if the possible illegality of divorce isn’t enough, some proponents support making the divorce ban retroactive. As in “Congratulations! You are married to him/her ... again”.

It's completely and totally unimaginable for the me of today to re-join the marriage of my past. It couldn’t work. Today’s me would not even be attracted to that old life.

But let’s play with this. Suppose there was some perverse reversal of the TV show "FlashForward" where instead of everyone getting a glimpse of their own future they got to look at themselves in the past. Where would you be in a FlashBackward vs. where you are today?

What would most likely be in my FlashBackward?

• Still running and gasping for air on the Keeping up with the Jones’ treadmill
• Stuffing my needs, wants and dreams into a tiny locked box in order to support his
• At least 10 additional pounds
• Having panic filled mornings plagued with “how are the bills for his must have watch, car, wine etc … going to get paid?”
• Daily “Are you there vodka?” shout outs

It’s interesting that writing this is occurring around Thanksgiving. Thank you universe for my FlashBackward not happening. How bizarre that I am grateful for my divorce? Great results came out of my most difficult circumstances: freedom, discipline, clarity, friendship, love, calm, power, peace, understanding, happiness, respect …. The list of positives could go on and on.

Your divorce may seem like a dark and never ending tunnel, but there is a light at the end, and it's bright!

So tell us … How would your FlashBackward look in contrast to today?

djv
djv@divorcesalon.com