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7 comments:
Dear DJV,
How did you all deal with getting back out there, as in exposing your heart again? I am fortunate to have the attention of several cute guys, but have kept them at bay so to take care of myself first. Now that is under control, TLC would be fantastic, but I'm affraid to deal with all the dating games that men play and the false start of a "rebound" guy. How did you do it? KB
Hi KB! Thanks for your question. Take a look at the top of the page ... with such a great question we just had to make it a post. djv
Your blog looks great. The only problem is that it is confusingly similar to Divorce Saloon, another blog about divorce. Divorce Saloon is a registered trademark with the United States Trademark Office. Because of the similarity of the names, this could cause confusion and is therefore an infringment of trademark. We ask that you rename this blog.
Divorce Saloon
DJV,
There is an article in NYT today covering the laments of no-longer-coupled couples who share digital space, including dual access accounts via a shared password. One mark Divorce left on me was the distinct value of maintaining individuality, i.e. not eroding the identity of the three entities of the relationship: me, him and us. Love to hear the views of DJV. Karen D
Dear Karen,
We can certainly see a third identity, that of the marriage (or any relationship).
After some additional thought, we aren’t really sure that a relationship has its own unique identity. Isn’t a relationship a presence, a situation, a way of being? A relationship does not act on its own, so does it really have its own identity? Wouldn’t the “identity” of the relationship be an expression of subsets of the identities of the individuals in the relationship? Kind of like the intersection of two overlapping circles. We are thinking that the “identity” of a relationship would never look dramatically different from components of the identities of the individuals in the relationship. Can a relationship ever take on a life of its own? Relationships certainly take twists and turns, but wouldn’t those twists and turns mimic what’s going on within one or both of the individuals?
Thousands of companies have corporate “identities”, but aren’t those identities a formulation of the vision, beliefs and actions of the employees at all levels? Candidates for employment are often selected because they embody the corporate “identity”.
This string could go in a million different directions. For now we’d love to get your take. Karen, thank you for your comment and please let us know your thoughts. And everyone else out there, please chime in too.
Yours truly,
djv
DJV,
Divorce for me caused an review of my decision making skills in hopes to aviod the mistakes of the past. I met this great guy three months ago, it's all perfect BUT his drinking is a concern. He's not a mean or bad drunk, but I would just kick myself if I ignored it and then it turned out to be a source of problems later in the relationship. I saw on facebook an add for a study to help reduce drinking. Should I show it to him? What do I do?
Ms Wanttodotherightthing
Ms Wanttodotherightthing -
Thank you so much for your question. This is a serious one. Maybe you should continue with the relationship but keep a close eye on when and how he drinks. Does he drink because you are? Does he drink to become a different person? Is he funnier when he is drunk? There is nothing wrong with the occasional drink but when the person can't stop it certainly becomes problematic. I would keep things going in the relationship but be very observant about the drinking. Showing him an ad for a study on drinking might be too forward. You could casually bring up an old friend who had a drinking problem or just bring up the topic casually in conversation but wouldn't do anything too pointed.
Please keep us posted with your progress. We'd love to help you further if we can.
Thanks
DJV
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