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What a whirlwind the holidays can be. If your days were anything like ours they included occasions packed with family and/or friends, alone time to tackle psychological and/or physical projects, and a few intimate gatherings with the ones we are closest to.
On Christmas day a member of one of the djv-er’s immediate family sent her an email about bringing 2009 to a close. It highlighted not letting the events and situations of 2009 get dragged into her 2010. What were the steps? Make a list starting with “In 2009 …” and you fill in the rest. Then make a list of the things you will “create” in 2010. The djv-er was all for putting 2009 away. Is there a box big enough to put all that junk into? Is there packing tape strong enough to keep it closed forever? While not one for New Year’s resolutions, the djv-er was all for a better 2010, picked up a pen and started writing.
She finished the lists, and was pretty surprised at the outcome. What was there? It went on for pages and pages, but here are a few items to give you a glimpse.
In 2009 ...
- Business was the worst ever
- No sales and no product to sell in 2009
- Lost money in my professional work
- Professional stress leaked over into personal life and at times became overwhelming
- Launched Divorce Salon (blog, Facebook and twitter)
- Learned how to do my own brows courtesy of YouTube
- Brought in cash by selling things I didn’t use (which also made my house easier to manage without the excess stuff)
- Improved cooking skills by making more things from scratch
- Made new friends, re-connected with old buddies, and deepened existing relationships
- Took a sailing class and got 100 on the certification test
How interesting that there are more positives than negatives. For such a tough year, there were a lot of accomplishments. Perhaps we needed these tough times to grow and nurture other areas.
Give it a try! You too will probably be pleasantly surprised at the good that happened in 2009.
What’s the #1 item this djv-er is creating for 2010? More content and traffic on Divorce Salon. There are others too: learn how to apply nail polish to nails (not skin) and take an improv class.
As we sign off for this year, please remember, 2009 is what it is, and soon it will be over. 2010 can be whatever you “create” for yourself and your life.
Happy New Year!
djv
KB sent us a note that we just had to put into a front page post ....
Dear DJV,
How did you all deal with getting back out there, as in exposing your heart again? I am fortunate to have the attention of several cute guys, but have kept them at bay so to take care of myself first. Now that is under control, TLC would be fantastic, but I'm afraid to deal with all the dating games that men play and the false start of a "rebound" guy. How did you do it? KB
Hi KB!
Thanks very much for your question. Bravo to you for taking the time to focus on yourself while keeping those handsome distractions in the appropriate place. Healing yourself is a critical first step to getting back out there. You’ve done that, and please continue to do what is good and healthy for you during your dating journey.
We could go on and on with dating tips, and here’s our top pick for you:
Owning and communicating your feelings
With multiple cute men who sound eager to get to know you better, you have some incredible power. We believe that with power comes responsibility. After re-entering the dating world, one of the members of djv was nick named “duck and cover” girl by a close gal pal. This djv’er dated guys, and if they weren’t a match, or she got scared of moving to the next level, she shut down. She didn’t respond to phone calls, texts or emails. This djv’er wasn’t proud of her behavior or her nick name, and realized that she was doing exactly what she hated in the dating game (when guys dropped off the planet). Please remember that guys have feelings too (they may not show them that often, but they are there). You will have choices to make about the guys you date, and which ones get to spend more time with you. Own your feelings and communicate them. No matter how hard it may be, respect a guy by letting him know if it’s not working for you. Of course you will be thoughtful in your conversation, but do have it. BTW when the djv’er started communicating this way, her dates got better and better.
And here’s another one of our favorites:
Accepting that it is what it is, and not making things up that aren’t there
Oh the anxiety wondering if he will text, email or call, and the upset when he doesn’t. Don’t torture yourself should this happen with one of your suitors. It just is what it is; it’s not a reflection on you; it just wasn’t a match. Him not calling, emailing or texting doesn’t mean that you will not find a wonderful relationship … you will. This just wasn’t the guy, and there are others out there.
Have fun KB! You’re going to meet a lot of different guys and do a lot of different things. Enjoy it, and bring on the TLC (you deserve it).
Did that help? Please let us know how it goes!
djv
Have you ever watched that new-ish show with Julianna Margulies called “The Good Wife”? While Alicia’s situation has few similarities to the circumstances leading up to my divorce, the trailers looked intriguing. On one of the first shows Alicia told a despaired female client to get up every morning, shower and put on make up. No matter how hard it was to find the strength or how much she didn’t want to. Alicia really stressed how critical it was to get up everyday and put on makeup, even though it may seem “surface”. Those words and that interaction between two TV characters for some reason really stuck with me.
While makeup/lipstick to the outside world may seem trivial, unimportant and like another attempt by the cosmetic industry to entice women to buy more, applying color to your face really helps improve your mood. Just the other day I was meeting a pal for a casual lunch. Some professional set backs and the bathroom scale registering at a year high really socked my normally high energy level. I knew that it would be good to get out, spend some time in a different part of town and be with a pal, but I just didn’t have the energy to put on the whole “armor”. With Alicia’s words running through my head, I picked the brightest, red-est tube from my collection. And you know, it worked. It perked me right up. Looking in the mirror after that easy 2 second application, my energy went up. With a single swipe of red tint, my attitude changed, and the afternoon was a total delight.
About.com has oodles of articles about color therapy, and there are some documented positive holistic effects to wearing red lipstick. It really is good for you. The holistic healing pros say we should wear red when our energy is low and we need a boost. Red lipstick isn’t only for Cleopatra, prostitutes and the girls in Vogue; it’s for all of us. So reach for that L’Oreal, Maybelline, Cover Girl or Lancome. This isn’t about vanity; it’s about your sanity, and feeling the best that you can no matter what you are facing.
Here’s to the true and real power of lipstick! What lipstick stories are you willing to share?
djv
