A question about "getting back out there"

KB sent us a note that we just had to put into a front page post ....

Dear DJV,
How did you all deal with getting back out there, as in exposing your heart again? I am fortunate to have the attention of several cute guys, but have kept them at bay so to take care of myself first. Now that is under control, TLC would be fantastic, but I'm afraid to deal with all the dating games that men play and the false start of a "rebound" guy. How did you do it? KB

Hi KB!
Thanks very much for your question. Bravo to you for taking the time to focus on yourself while keeping those handsome distractions in the appropriate place. Healing yourself is a critical first step to getting back out there. You’ve done that, and please continue to do what is good and healthy for you during your dating journey.

We could go on and on with dating tips, and here’s our top pick for you:

Owning and communicating your feelings
With multiple cute men who sound eager to get to know you better, you have some incredible power. We believe that with power comes responsibility. After re-entering the dating world, one of the members of djv was nick named “duck and cover” girl by a close gal pal. This djv’er dated guys, and if they weren’t a match, or she got scared of moving to the next level, she shut down. She didn’t respond to phone calls, texts or emails. This djv’er wasn’t proud of her behavior or her nick name, and realized that she was doing exactly what she hated in the dating game (when guys dropped off the planet). Please remember that guys have feelings too (they may not show them that often, but they are there). You will have choices to make about the guys you date, and which ones get to spend more time with you. Own your feelings and communicate them. No matter how hard it may be, respect a guy by letting him know if it’s not working for you. Of course you will be thoughtful in your conversation, but do have it. BTW when the djv’er started communicating this way, her dates got better and better.

And here’s another one of our favorites:

Accepting that it is what it is, and not making things up that aren’t there
Oh the anxiety wondering if he will text, email or call, and the upset when he doesn’t. Don’t torture yourself should this happen with one of your suitors. It just is what it is; it’s not a reflection on you; it just wasn’t a match. Him not calling, emailing or texting doesn’t mean that you will not find a wonderful relationship … you will. This just wasn’t the guy, and there are others out there.

Have fun KB! You’re going to meet a lot of different guys and do a lot of different things. Enjoy it, and bring on the TLC (you deserve it).

Did that help? Please let us know how it goes!

djv