How quickly has a man told you he loves you and how long did that relationship last? Also why do they say it so quickly?
About 1 month for him to utter the L word, and a total of 9 months together. His first declaration of love was a txt message. Should have been a huge red flag, but he “said it”. He said those words that women dream about hearing. Well …. Actually …. He wrote it, but putting it down in writing is more powerful, right? WRONG! Since the txt arrived when I was over 1000 miles away, his missing me must have given him time to think/reflect and decide that I was the one. Naively hopefully and blissfully ignorant come to mind. After multiple verbal utterances of love, my world fell apart with his words “I don’t see a future for us” 9 months later.
Men like the guy above … in the process, or just coming out, of a divorce say “I love you” quickly. Why? They use the broadest definition of love. Huh? Think of all of the things you love. Eating ice cream directly from the container, The Housewives, Manolos, your fabulously gay neighbor. Love comes in different intensities and flavors. It’s very possible a man loves you like they love something else positive in their lives. What a downer to think that a man may love you in the same way they love pizza delivery during March Madness.
And/or are they practicing? With the question of “can I do it again” the invincible male gives it a shot. Sure he “loves” you, perhaps even as much as the ice-y cold one after catching the big fish. With that he utters the words. We smile, get all happy, and ooze a positive response to his statement. To himself he says “not bad”, “good response”, and knows he can say “I love you” without barfing up lunch or losing a critical body part. BTW it’s not malicious because he does love you (using that broad definition).
How’s that for an explanation of 1 month to L?
djv
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7 comments:
To some men, saying "I love you" inside of 30 days and saying "I love you" to the pizza delivery guy during March Madness are the same: It really is love. The fact that they can't differentiate between the two might impact intimacy but it's still love.
What scrunches my face into the "I'm thinking" position is why for women, this is sufficient; protracted loneliness comes to mind as is the unfortunate belief that partial love from another is better than no love at all (obviously it concerns me equally that men can't differentiate between women and pizza but that's a long term sociological study with frequent utterences of Freud and Piaget).
I've been divorced and divorce to many is the ultimate slap-in-the-face that you didn't get the love thing. So in the spirit of getin-back-up-in-da-saddle, many simply say it again...quickly.
Funny...we teach "health education" - the mechanics of sex, really - but leave the emotional discovery to chance.
Excellent first post.
Hi Steve,
Let go of the face scrunch! Plastic surgeons have made gazillions correcting prolonged face scrunching, and with the recession, face lifting is a glamour don’t. Perhaps you live in Paris and have dreamed of being a human replica of the bronze and marble sculpture, but with these words we hope to relieve any prolonged contemplation.
There’s one word for the acceptance of partial love …. FEAR. Sure we can hide behind thoughts that love should mean the same thing to everyone. Scratch that. Believe it or not there are 5 descriptions for love as a noun in our dictionary. Who’s not scared to have the “what does that really mean to you?” conversation? Ugh. Strong and confident people initiate that conversation; they want the truth and know they can deal with whatever they get, including “oh honey, you fill me up” … like Dominos.
We’re thinking of the scene from A Few Good Men with a relationship slant…. A female Kafee: “I want the truth!” Col. Jessep: “You can’t handle the truth!” Pause “You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That me loving you like pizza, while unconceivable, is what it is. You don't want the truth because deep down in conversations with your girlfriends, you want a boyfriend, you think you need me as a boyfriend. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a woman who rises and sleeps under the security blanket of the I love you words I have uttered, and then questions the meaning behind it. I would rather you just said thank you, and went on with your day…”
Thanks for your comment, and we want to see the syllabus for your emotional discovery of love class.
djv
Learn to love everything that happens to you because your experiences give you a chance to grow in the consciousness of love.
By giving others reconition and assurance and pointing out their postive traits, we can stimulate them to make the best possible use of their unlimited potential. One of the greatest gifts we can give to other people [besides a Porshe Carrera S] is to open their eyes to their own greatness; to the potential they never realized existed. -- Thornton Withers
Too many studies, so little time...it's said that the happiest people (as a group) are married men with families (#1) and single, child-free women (#2). So the verbal equivalent of prematue ejaculation kind of makes sense, now doesn't it? :-)
My 2 cents -
Guys, ladies - relax, don't stress, enjoy the ride. There are lots of people we'll love in lots of ways for lots of reasons. They can all be amazing experiences as long as you're not kidding yourself.
When the real deal comes along, most of these questions won't even be necessary. If it doesn't, you've lost nothing.
Makes us think of dry heaving too :)
Love is a beautiful thing in all of its forms.
The more you give the more you get.
Thanks. We want your comments!
djv
About enjoying the ride, many of us have yet to get back in the saddle. What are the musings of the DS ladies regarding curing commitment phobia caused by divorce? Is it better to be unhappy and alone, or unhappy and in a relationship?
My divorce instilled a deep feeling of betrayal and mistrust of the opposite sex such that I dont know if I can ever trust one of THEM again, certainly enough to marry them. I've spent a kings ransome with my shrink to look inward for strength and understaning. My current honey makes me feel great, but still one of THEM! What do I do?
Hey Anonymous! Thanks for the comment. Your questions are so "big", we made a new post all about it. Part 1 is up, and part 2 will be up soon. Thanks! djv
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