This was most aptly put by Alfred Lord Tennyson in his 1850 poem entitled in memoriam 27.
The poem goes like this:
I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
I think he put it very well! and I personally agree. Many people don't see the silver lining to each cloud but some might agree with me when I say that having been married and having loved and been loved - even if it didn't work out in the end - is better than sitting around all by yourself! Don't get me wrong - I love being by myself but seriously, isn't life more fun when you have someone to share things with? Even if your marriage ends in a nasty divorce there have to have been some fun times and things that make you laugh or smile or both.
Maybe this is a pie in the sky attitude but life is too short to have regrets and anger - I firmly believe that you have to look on the bright side. So if you are contemplating your past marriage or going through a divorce I think it's time to reflect on the good parts of whatever your situation was, learn from the mistakes and move on with a clear head.
Now - does anyone disagree?? We want to hear from you!
As always,
djv
4 comments:
DJV,
Am in agreement with looking on the bright side and remembering the good times, but have a specific question. What do you do with the pictures? I found some of my ex and me in a pile. Sure there were some good thoughts, but also feelings of failure. I shoved the photos back in a drawer. What did you do?
That's a tough one - I know people who have cut their ex out of photographs and had a good time doing it! If you have children I think it's harder to do that. As much as you'd like to, you cannot deny the existence of a child's mother or father. I actually still have some pictures lurking about in frames but I have tried to replace them with pictures of my kids. That's what it's all about for me. I think shoving them in a box is fine. They don't take up that much room. If they make you feel a sense of failure then definitely shove them back in the drawer. There is no reason to make yourself feel that way!
Anonymous,
That's sad that you still have feelings of failure. I have heaps of old pics with my ex, but they are tucked away from my current life. They are not on display of course, thus hindering the unfettered development of new and wonderful memories with my current honey, but i'm not going toss them. They represent a good chunk of my life and I hope someday we'll be able to go through them, time cured of any negative thougts in either of us.
We love the term "wife/husband in law" and adopted it from a gal pal. An ex never goes away (especially if you have kids). Even with geographical separation, the memories remain. A "Wife/husband in law" is something you have to make work for you. Here's to your new honey and you reviewing those "heaps" sans negativity and competition. Thanks for your post.
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