Divorced moms however have to continue being all the things they are for their children (and for themselves - you can't forget yourself!!) and must also deal with the outside world - a duality which involves not saying no to any invitation (lest Mr. Right be there - you never know!) and yet continuing to be there for the children. We divorced moms may feel that it is important to put our best faces forward so as to squash any kind of gossip but let me tell you -
the life of a divorced mom is exhausting! Especially if you work. Getting the kids out of the house to school is hurdle #1 everyday. It's relentless. Work is a sort of safe haven for some of us. It's a distraction - and sometimes it's easier than being a mom! Coming home each afternoon and helping with homework, putting on that positive face - encouraging the children that no task is insurmountable - it's just plain exhausting.
Some divorced moms get a great deal of help from their exs with regard to the children and they are grateful for that! I just spoke to a few who agree that it is amazing when dad helps out. With most divorces it is customary for the children to spend every other weekend with the other parent. We usually look forward to our weekend's off but come Friday night I am thrust into quiet and solitude which usually depress me. I wonder what the kids are doing and I miss them. As portrayed in the recent movie "It's Complicated" (which I recommend everyone see!) the quiet of the house once the children are gone is deafening. but these weekends are also restorative and enable us to assume the role of uber mom once again.
We would love to hear your stories, complaints, comments etc so please chime in!
Thanks
DJV
2 comments:
As a divorced mom of 3 1/2 year old twins who's father sees them for 2 weeks ever 6months as his job is #1 (hence the divorce) life is totally exhausting. Kids full time, work full time, trying to run the house and on and on. Let alone me!
The MOST exhausting part is frankly living in surburia where it seems, yes even in liberal SF Bay Area, I'm the only single mom on the block. Its so very tiring trying to explain that we're doing just fine and then have the other moms turn cold. Sometime I wonder if they think I will poach their husband or if divorce is contagious!
You are TOTALLY right when you say that married women think divorce is contagious! I think a lot of them have a fear that if they spend time with you that people will think they are having marital trouble too. I have often heard about dinner parties or cocktail parties that I was not invited to that, had I been married, I definitely would have been included in. But you know what? It stinks being a single woman in a room full of couples. It's just a fact of divorce that our circle of friends, for the most part, changes a bit or shifts. That does not include your really close friends! or at least it shouldn't!
Back to your situation - single mom to 3 1/2 year old twins - yikes! You have an overwhelming job but it sounds like you are soldiering on! We would love to hear more from you!
djv
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