HOW TO GET STARTED

We had a great question sent to us by a follower. We answered the question in the comment section of the blog but wanted all our readers to see the answers.

The question was "can the DS suggest a list of things I should be thinking about to prepare [for imminent divorce proceedings]" -

Answer: OK Anonymous - here is an initial stab at your question - first, please know that we are here to help and we can offer suggestions and tidbits we learned while going through this ourselves but every person's situation is different. While we may have great insight we are not professionals. That said, do everything you can to take care of yourself.

1. Get a lawyer - friends can recommend or call your regular lawyer to get a referral.

2. Get a therapist - (remember these are two different people although they may cost the same!). Your lawyer needs to know everything that is going on but save the real emotion for the therapist.

3. Make copies of all documents (tax returns, bank/investment statements, asset statements, any appraisals you may have ever had done).

4. Put these copies and any valuables you have into a safe deposit box. Get them out of temptation's way.

5. Protect your identity - change the locks on the apt or house if necessary, change passwords on all computer accounts.

6. If there are children involved you need to strategize a moving out schedule with your soon-to-be ex. Again, every situation is different but kids seem to know everything before it even happens. That's just how they are so if this has been brewing for a while chances are they have already figured it out. The more organized you are the better they'll be. Children like routine so present them with a time table for when dad is moving out etc.

7. Communication is key - you and he must keep the lines open. Thank goodness for e-mail and blackberry messenger - this is a great way to "speak" without having to pick up the phone every time you need an answer. As non-friendly as your situation may be you must be as close to being on the same page as possible with regard to the children.

We have tons to say on this topic - this is just the tip of the iceberg so please tune in again for more details on first steps.

Thank you for your questions!!

djv